1
Can you believe what people do in church nowadays? I was sitting right beside this guy
who lighted a cigarette; I was shocked that I almost drop my beer.

2
In one school, students were warned not to speak vernacular. A student saw his teacher's
zip opened and did not know how to say it correctly, so he began after a
good thought; sir your garage is opened. And the teacher said; did you see my
BMW? And the student answered, I only saw a TICO and two flat tyres.

3
A man went to Accra for the first time in his life. He alighted from the vehicle when he
got to where the traffic light was, he stood there looking at how the lights on the
traffic were changing for more than an hour, so a man just came from nowhere and
asked him whether he had paid before watching? He answered no, the man
then inquired for how long he was watching? He told the man that he has watch for
about five minutes. The man then charged him 20,000. Then after the man had left he
said to himself, ooh this man is a fool-oh, I have watched for more than an hour but
I paid him only five minutes charge.

4
During an English comprehension lesson, a bald headed teacher in a P4 class was
explaining the key words in the passage to his class. Listen to the following episode
during the lesson.
Teacher: Our next key word is "desert". And a desert is a place where nothing grows.
Now who can form a sentence with the word "desert"?
Kwame: teacher, let me try.
Teacher: yes, Kwame.
Kwame: my teacher's head is a desert.
Teacher: Kwame, why do you say so?
Kwame: because nothing grows there.

5
Mavis: mother, what is the state of matrimony?
Mother: oh, that's state in the United States.

6
Teacher: Can you give an example of waste of energy?
Pupil: yes, Miss, educating a bald headed man on hair dressing.

7
A lady went to a chop bar to order her food. When the food was served, she started to
pray, but the prayer was so long that a mad man came and finishes the food. When she
opened her eyes, the food wasn't there. The mad man then said, don't worry, when
it rains in heaven, Jesus' mother Mary will cook yours for you to eat.

8
A 90-year-old man said to his doctor, "I've never felt better. I have an 18-year
old bride who is pregnant with my child. What do you think
about that?"
The doctor considered his question for a minute and then said, "I have an elderly
friend who is a hunter and never misses a season. One day
when he was going out in a bit of a hurry, he accidentally picked up his
umbrella instead of his gun. When he got to the Creek, he saw a
rabbit sitting beside the stream. He raised his umbrella and went,
'bang, bang' and the rabbit fell dead. What do you think of that?"
The 90-year-old said, "I'd say somebody else killed that rabbit."
The doctor replied, "My point exactly."

9
Ralph and Edna were both patients in a mental hospital.
One day while they were walking past the hospital swimming pool, Ralph
suddenly jumped into the deep end. He sank to the bottom of the pool
and stayed there. Edna promptly jumped in to save him. She swam to
the bottom and pulled Ralph out.
When the Head Nurse became aware of Edna's heroic act she immediately
ordered her to be discharged from the hospital, as she now considered her to be mentally stable.
When she went to tell Edna the news she said, "Edna, I have good news and
bad news. The good news is you're being discharged; since you
were able to rationally respond to a crisis by jumping in and saving the
life of another patient, I have concluded that your act displays sound
mindedness. The bad news is, Ralph, the patient you saved,
hung himself right after you saved him with his bathrobe belt in the
bathroom. I am so sorry, but he's dead."
Edna replied "He didn't hang himself. I put him there to dry. How soon can I
go home?"

10
A mother was sitting on the couch reading a book when one of her children
walked up to her and said, "Mummy, why is my name Petal?"
The mother replied, "Because when you were born, a petal fell on your
head."
The next baby walked up and asked, "Mummy why is my name Rose?" she
replied,
"Because when you were born, a rose fell on your head." The last baby
walked up to her and said, "BLAS CLAFLAS YIFRASSAM TASSM POONNFFFIINRTY."
The mother replied, "Please be quiet, Fridge."